1.       To be effective in active listening, you must genuinely want to hear and help the other person.

2.       It takes a lot of energy to actively listen, and we need to focus our energy on the speaker.

3.       Try to avoid making assumptions about how the speaker feels or what he/she might say.

4.       Try to empathize with the other person and understand what they are feeling.

5.       Show understanding, interest and no blame by nonverbal behaviors such as:

• Posture
• Tone of voice
• Facial expressions
• Gestures, body movements
• Eye contact (depending on culture).

6.       Restate or paraphrase in your own words the person’s most important thoughts and feelings.

7.       In general, avoid “why” questions, which can sound biased or accusatory.

8.       Do not interrupt, offer advice or give suggestions. Do not bring up similar situations from your own experience.

9.       Remember that active listening does not mean that you agree with what has been said.

Adapted from materials developed by Community Mediation, Inc., New Haven, Connecticut.